Ale:
Why don’t you start by telling me your full name, pronouns, and where you are from?
JR:
Sure. My name is JR, my pronouns are he/him, and I’m originally from Long Island, New York.
Ale:
Why don’t you tell me how you heard about the project and what made you want to participate?
JR:
Yeah. I saw a form circulating on Instagram and a couple of people sent it to me regarding an interview series on the topics of trans masculinity and reproductive rights and community care. I’m an individual of trans experience who has taken advantage of reproductive care to benefit my own life and the things I like to do. So I filled out the interest form, and you got back to me pretty quickly that you were interested in talking. So we had a zoom, and now here we are.
Ale:
That sounds about right. You mentioned you have benefited from reproductive care, why don’t you tell me more?
“I’ve taken a lot of Plan B in my life. Before November of 2024, I was not on any form of birth control, and my main form of birth control was just to take Plan B every time I needed to. I probably would take 10 to 15 a year, which is really, really bad for you. It’s really bad for your hormones, it’s really bad for your emotions and mood.”
JR:
I’ve taken a lot of Plan B in my life. Before November of 2024, I was not on any form of birth control, and my main form of birth control was just to take Plan B every time I needed to. I probably would take 10 to 15 a year, which is really, really bad for you. It’s really bad for your hormones, it’s really bad for your emotions and mood.
Ale:
Can you tell me a little bit more about some of the side effects Plan B was having on you?
JR:
Every time I would take Plan B, I would go temporarily crazy. It would absolutely mess with my moods and emotions. It would mess with my sleep, it would mess with my appetite, and this was something I was doing regularly, so I really had no emotional stability for quite a while.
Ale:
What about now, are you on any form of birth control?
JR:
When Trump got reelected this past election cycle, it became apparent to me that I needed a more sustainable and long-term option for my birth control and I was initially curious about an IUD. As a trans man, it gave me pause, and it definitely stoked a little bit of dysphoria, but I made an appointment at a clinic in Brooklyn.
As I was speaking with the provider about what my options were, the Nexplanon arm implant came up. Basically, it is an implant that goes into your arm, I don’t know how it works exactly, but it functions as a 99% effective birth control and it lasts for four or five years. The process of having it inserted was completely painless. I didn’t notice any significant hormonal changes over the first few weeks that I had it. And it’s been fantastic to have a reliable form of birth control so that I can have the type of sex that I want to have without worrying about getting pregnant.
Ale:
Can you tell me more about the dysphoria you were feeling when you decided to go on birth control?
JR:
I’ve been out as trans for a long time, and I’ve had a lot of time to be introspective and work through my dysphoria. When I was taking Plan B, it didn’t necessarily induce my dysphoria all the time, but the prospect of having an IUD gave me a lot of pause, and was something that I really wasn’t looking forward to doing. My main concern with the IUD is that I heard it’s tremendously painful to have inserted. And given that I am sometimes uncomfortable with my body composition in general, I didn’t want to contribute any more pain to it. Also, the IUD can cause breakthrough bleeding, and I haven’t gotten a period in over a year, so I didn’t want to revert back to having any form of period. Just in general, going to the gynecologist is a very uncomfortable experience for me.
Ale:
Same – I don’t think I’ve ever heard of anyone who likes going to the gyno. You also mentioned that you’re taking PrEP?
JR:
I’m still taking PrEP, and I plan to take PrEP for as long as I’m a sexually active person. I think it’s a miracle innovation in response to an epidemic that decimated our community. I think any person who is straight or gay, bisexual, cisgender, transgender, nonbinary, if you’re a sexually active person, you should be on PrEP.
Ale:
Can you tell me how you decided to go on PrEP?
JR:
I think I was socially influenced. I think I was probably speaking to my friends about it, but mainly I just wanted to take care of myself. I wanted to have that protection because the option was available to me. I don’t pay for PrEP because it’s covered by my insurance. So I figured, why not? I take a lot of medication already for various mental health conditions, so it was no issue for me to have another pill that I take every day.
Ale:
A couple of my trans masc buddies have also gone on PrEP, but none of us really knew if it was going to work. Did you have a similar experience?
JR:
Yeah, my primary care physician won’t prescribe me Doxy-PEP because he says there’s not enough research regarding how it affects people who were assigned female at birth. Which speaks to how sometimes, as a binary trans man, I feel a little bit alienated from the community due to the structure of my body, my internal organs, and the risk of pregnancy.
Ale:
You want to tell me a little bit more about that?
JR:
In addition to being a trans man, I am a gay man. I’m in a community with a lot of gay men, most of whom are cisgender. I like to go out dancing, go out clubbing, to parties, and sometimes I’ll go to these functions and I’ll be one of the few, if not the only visibly transgender person in the room.
It usually doesn’t bother me, though recently, I have been feeling invisibilized. I have been feeling very overlooked by cis gay men and I don’t know if that’s because Trump got reelected, maybe people who have more bigoted beliefs feel more empowered to exercise them. Maybe I’ve just been having a little bit of bad luck. I have a tremendous, wonderful, supportive community of cis gay friends. I love them to bits, but just sometimes, at certain places, it can be a little bit overwhelming and it can be a little bit demoralizing when I am so out and proud to be trans.
I have scars from my bilateral mastectomy, I always take my shirt off, I’m never trying to hide the fact that I’m trans, and I can tell when people are avoiding or ignoring me because they either are uncomfortable with transness or they don’t know how to approach a trans person. They don’t want to be offensive, which I understand, but I think that’s not giving me very much benefit of the doubt, because I am an open book, even if you are a complete stranger, if you respectfully ask me a question about my gender, about my transition, 99.9% of the time, I will enthusiastically have a conversation with you. And I think a lot of these cis gay guys don’t make that assumption, and so they are afraid to talk to me in the first place.
“I started and stopped hormones a couple of times before I committed to them, and now that I stuck with it, I’m happier than ever. Don’t let doctors fear-monger you about what changes are permanent and which ones are not. The human body is extremely flexible, and you would be surprised at what changes will reverse themselves if you decide to stop hormones.”
Ale:
That sounds really frustrating – have you had any positive experiences lately?
JR:
The good experiences tend to be the ones where I am so enthusiastically included that I don’t really have to think about the fact that I’m trans. Even if I am the only trans person in the group, everyone respects and affirms my identity to the point that it’s almost irrelevant that I’m trans.
Ale:
Is that the general feeling when you are with your group of friends?
JR:
Yes – I made a lot of really good friends over the last couple of months. As I started to go out more, going to places like Basement and Nowadays [clubs in New York City] and meeting people there, or making one good friend who introduced me to their friends. I’ve just been very lucky, I guess, that I have had the opportunity to meet all of these new, nice people. I feel very blessed and privileged to say that it’s probably too many to name.
Ale:
How do your cis gay guy friends react when something unpleasant happens while you’re out at the gay clubs?
JR:
Generally supportive and affirming, but I’m at a stage where I’ve been a little bit more reluctant to express all of my feelings. When something especially bad happens, I will usually tell a couple of people, but on the day-to-day with my mental illness, a lot of the close friends I have now, I’ve actually never brought up to them that I have bipolar disorder. Not that I think they wouldn’t be supportive, but I think they might look at me differently. Just like being trans, people who don’t possess a mental illness are not necessarily very educated about them. Bipolar Disorder especially, is a highly stigmatized condition and the average person who does not suffer from it has a rather reductive understanding.
They probably think that it’s like having mood swings, which is not necessarily what Bipolar is. Bipolar II, which is what I have, is characterized by hypomanic and depressive episodes and where I fall on the spectrum is that I have more depressive episodes than hypomanic episodes, and that’s why it’s been so important to me to create a community of people who like to go out. When I get depressed, I am liable to just stay in my bed for days at a time, so to have people who include me, who call me and say “hey, we’re doing this tonight, do you want to come with?,” has been really good for my mental health.
Ale:
Can you tell me more about the people who are in your life who have helped you come out of depressive episodes or help you feel cared for?
JR:
My mental health really started to turn around and trend upward around the time that I met my best friend Grace, and later when I met my best friend Sarah, who you met on the way out. Their support and their friendship has completely changed my life. I’ve known Grace for four years now and I’ve known Sarah for two. The community that I’ve made in the last six or seven months, which I consider my party community, those relationships are also extremely important to me and have benefited my mental health in similar but different ways.
Ale:
How do you feel about your mental health in connection to your gender?
JR:
Gender-affirming care has 100% improved my mental health. For anyone who is interested in trying hormones, I would say that if they have access and the ability to try them, they should try them, and they can always stop if it’s not feeling right for them. I started and stopped hormones a couple of times before I committed to them, and now that I stuck with it, I’m happier than ever. Don’t let doctors fear-monger you about what changes are permanent and which ones are not. The human body is extremely flexible, and you would be surprised at what changes will reverse themselves if you decide to stop hormones.
